I lived in Toronto for 10 years. My home was just around the corner, half a block from the area on Yonge Street where dozens of people were run down this week and ten people lost their lives. Many adjectives are used, tragic, sad, and unfathomable – none adequately capture the true heartbreak of so many.

I have been reading in the media the information about the events and the young man who was behind the wheel of the rented white van. I have seen speculation assigning blame - everything from terrorism, immigration policy failures, angry men and the incel movement, poor parenting, mental illness and more.

I began wondering what Joe/Jill Public would decide is blameworthy for some of my life decisions. This thought made me acknowledge that human beings are complex, and it is highly unlikely that one factor led this man to his actions. It also highlighted to me that searching for blame in the immediate aftermath of an incident like this is the opposite of helpful – it doesn’t help the injured or the grieving. It does, however, help the individuals and organizations in the world who want us to be polarized and to hate and fear.

With my head firmly into project management these days the idea of this complex situation requiring the completion of an Ishikawa diagram/root cause analysis to try and capture the multitude of factors that played into that fateful day. It is clear that this work is best left to the professionals and not J. Public. I think we should all be more mindful of our words and actions so that we do not contribute to a world that is increasingly polarized and fractured.

“We know from myths and fairy tales that there are many different kinds of powers in this world. One child is given a light saber, another, a wizard's education. The trick is not to amass all the different kinds of power, but to use well the kind you've been granted.” 
― Susan Cain, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking

Everyone has a superpower (or two)! Do you know what yours is? Do you freely and frequently compliment others on their superpower?

My superpowers are organizing and executing. I innately organize everything in my world (not just my work) and have designed a variety of organization/tracking systems to suit the situation. When I say that it is an innate skill, I mean that for the most part, it generates unconsciously for me until someone points it out (usually poking fun at me) or when something jumps out to make it obvious to me. This something could be a change in the original plan or a flaw in my system. It also becomes very obvious when I am trying to explain my organization systems to someone who does not have the superpower and who has to work hard at my form of organization.

My executing superpower was once described my Manager as being a “strategic do-er”. I can take a concept or idea, including one with only a little frame or sparse detail and develop and execute a plan to bring that idea to fruition. I think this superpower is a mix of planning prowess, practicality, and tenaciousness (often referred to as extreme stubbornness).

The Toad certain has inherited some of my planning and organization genes but I can already see that he is much more skilled at the idea creation and the synthesis of ideas than I am. I do not wish him to grow up any faster than he already is but at the same time, it is so very exciting to watch his superpowers reveal themselves a little more each day.

This week let’s remember that superpowers can come in different forms and that even superheroes do better with a side-kick or a team alongside them.

This past week our whole country was reminded what is truly important in life.

This past week every hockey parent (every sports parent) was reminded that it is just a game.

This past week there were millions of tears shed for strangers who could have been friends, family, neighbours or co-workers.

This past week 16 lives were lost, hundreds of people were left devastated and millions of people are grieving.

This past week changed us.

“The best piece of advice someone has ever given me was ‘do it scared.’ ” – Sherri Shepherd

I am taking a few forays out of my comfort zone these days. Nothing too monumental but the fact that there are several, at the same times, in different facets of my life have not gone unnoticed.

In my professional world, I have taken on some new work – work that is in an area and in a role I have not done before. I have been observing for a few weeks now but the time has come to launch on my own. I will still have people supporting me but I will be the one out front going forward. Gulp!

In my leisure time with the Toad, we have started taking horseback riding lessons together on a horse named Roxie. In all honesty, I could just groom Roxie for hours. It is very therapeutic meditatively brush her and talk to her. You can feel the peace and the connectedness. I am learning during the riding part as well – and not just the proper posture and heel position. I am learning about looking up and out to where I want to go, to be in control and forward in my leadership while still trusting and listening to others, and to take necessary precautions for risks but to get up in the saddle anyway. It is very gratifying to watch the Toad learn the same lessons.

Finally, I am studying for certification for my professional development. I have been studying fairly diligently for a while and I have just about reached the place of setting a date to write the 4-hour exam….just about. Something is still holding me back from making the appointment – maybe because I am not sure I will ever really be ready. I might need to just take the leap and do this one anyway.

“I don’t know anyone who has been handed only roses. We all encounter hardships. Some we see coming; others take us by surprise. It can be as tragic as the sudden death of a child, as heartbreaking as a relationship that unravels, or as disappointing as a dream that goes unfulfilled. The question is: When these things happen, what do we do next?” 
― Sheryl Sandberg, Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy

Option B – in life and in project management you are often called to utilize your next best option. Sometimes situations can swirl wildly such that you are looking at Plan D, E or F even. After collecting 50 years of experience (and hopefully some wisdom) I now believe that resilience is one of the most valuable skills you can develop.

In the book Option B, Sheryl Sandberg and her co-author Adam Grant talk about three distinct philosophies or views across time that people have held about overcoming adversity. The first (and oldest) belief is that people become broken after a tragedy or trauma. This is where PTSD and severe depression is experienced. The second notion of dealing with trauma is the bouncing back – regaining our footing and continuing on from where we were before the adversity hit. The third (and newest) perspective on resilience is that we not only bounce back but we bounce forward after adversity – harnessing  the strength and learning from the trauma to grow and stretch and re-imagine ourselves to do more and be more than we had previously ever contemplated.

I am not sure we can totally decide if faced with adversity whether we will come away broken, bouncing back or bouncing forward but the research seems to suggest that work, some wisdom and some conscious perspective practicing BEFORE we experience great loss may put us on a strong footing for a better outcome.

“Not only do we learn more from failure than success, we learn more from bigger failures because we scrutinize them more closely.” 
― Sheryl Sandberg, Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy

Perhaps this will help me embrace Option B, C or D the next time.

“We don't need giant personalities to transform companies. We need leaders who build not their own egos but the institutions they run.” 
― Susan Cain, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking 

I am a strong introvert. The Toad is possibly even a stronger one. There are great joys and benefits of having introverted tendencies - just as there are from having the opposite extraverted ones. The world needs all kinds of kinds to function but sadly society at present doesn’t always see or value the gifts of the introvert in the same way. This happens in our schools, in our social organizations, and in our workplaces. In her book Quiet, Susan Cain highlights how our structures and environments have an underlying extroverted bent to them and that the subtleness of that favoritism has profound consequences for individuals and for our collective future.

Several months ago I had an interaction with the Toad that highlighted for me how early these biases start. The conversation started with his comment to me “Momma I am going to be one of the best NHL players of all time but I am probably never going to be chosen as Captain because I am quiet and don’t say very much.”  He is quiet – it is true. There is usually pandemonium in the change room. Toad is almost always the first dressed and he gets his game face on and he says almost nothing. I tried to explain to him that leadership isn’t always loud but is often seen in the actions of quiet leaders and the depth/importance of the few words they do use. I gave examples of people I admire who say very little but when they did say something you listen and those folks I admire who don’t have to say anything because you know what they stand for by the actions they chose and the decisions they make. I reminded the Toad that his beloved Toronto Maple Leafs was once captained by a quiet leader, Wendel Clark – a player who he knows is still highly revered by the organization and the hockey world.

Ironically it was not long after that I was passed over for a “captaincy” of a business team because I was seen to be too quiet and introverted. My skills, knowledge and previous experience were not sufficient to convince this decision-maker to give me a shot. In this case, I realized fairly quickly that it may be a case of thanking God for unanswered prayers but it did remind me I have to do two things. Firstly, I need to look for the quiet leaders around me to ensure they know they are seen and valued, and secondly to chat with the Toad about the importance of leadership regardless of where you sit.

The Toad is in Grade 4 and over the last several weeks it has struck me how many lessons happen around the age of 9 that apply to your adult career.

The top 4 lessons the Toad has highlighted for me include:

You have to plan your own workload and be aware of your work/life balance.

Although the teacher still does a lot of prompting and reminding the second half of Grade 4 has seen the Toad have to recognize multiple looming deadlines, manage his time across his activities and his wish for free time and the skills and benefits of good project planning.

You have to utilize the skills of others to be successful – and information doesn’t always come from the boss

In a classroom of 30 kids, the teacher doesn’t have enough time for all of the questions and specific instruction. The Toad is strong in math, listens and follows instructions well and is pretty adept at technology. His classmates recognize those strengths and seek him out when they need help and he turns to others for support in areas that he feels less confident in.

Working in  groups is great but you have to decide how to cope with the underperformer

The Toad is a strong student who takes pride in completing his assignments and meeting his teacher’s expectations. He has learned this year that not everyone shares those values and that some people will make very little effort on projects and group work. Deciding how you want to handle that situation is a big deal.

Some people are really abrasive and some are just plain nasty

You don’t get to choose your classmates. In the Toad’s class, they restructure the desk set-up every month – both the configuration (rows, pods, circle etc.) and who sits together. This shuffle requires that you have to learn about your newly assigned neighbours - how they work, what their strengths are, things you have in common and things you disagree about. Some people talk a lot, others don’t say much, some people are messy and others are very neat, some are kind and gentle….well and some are the opposite of that. How you decide to deal with the more abrasive or nasty mates is a big deal.

Each of these situations mirrors what happens in our workplaces. Given some of the challenges we face at work, perhaps we should think about spending the day in a Grade 4 classroom to remind us what we learned back then.

We have had a lot of snow in our area this year. Truth be told I was done with the snow in the valley after a very early, very large dump of the white stuff in mid-November. I was done but Mother Nature was not, as the snow has fallen regularly since then.

My driveway is fairly long and wide. My neighbor and I share responsibility for shoveling both driveways. We mostly shovel together but sometimes he does it all and sometimes I do it all. We joke it is the only time we see each other. I tackle the daunting driveway of snow a lot like I manage my work projects  - I set an interim milestone that I focus on instead of getting overwhelmed at the prospect of the whole thing. In my shoveling, it is one pass of s shovel with the focus being on the small defined area I marked out. When that area is cleared I draw another line and push snow out of that section. For me (who is accomplishment driven) it is a way to mark progress, keep the work orderly and stay motivated.

I learned this week that this way of thinking has epigenetically passed to the Toad as I watched him do exactly the same thing with a picture he was colouring. When I commented on his process, his reasoning mirrored mine - both amazing and scary at the same time.

I heard a tale the other day about an old farmer who met all of life's events regardless of their nature with the comment "good or bad - hard to say". This farmer understood that everything in life is connected and when something happens to knock you off your path you find your way to somewhere you never imagined. Sometimes what you think is terrible turns out to be great and sometimes what starts out as great turns into something terrible.

An initial thought/reaction to a situation can lead you to your next words or actions which may forever change what follows. Good or bad is very subjective and binary. Life is complex with most of it spent in the shades of gray between the binary black and white polar positions. Good/bad, right/wrong, strong/weak, ugly/beautiful, thin/fat, old/young - there are so many labels and divisions in the world in the world today.

I know when a label gets affixed to you it can be devastating. I find it distressing to watch hurtful labels be hurled in contempt at others. I am horrified at trying to explain to the Toad when he witnesses this personally or through the media.

I am going to try and channel that old farmer from the parable and hold my reactions and labels in search of something more holistic, realistic and filled with grace.Tree Toad Consulting

Rigidity in the face of complexity is toxic" Susan David

BAM! Now that is a truth bomb!

Think of the complexity of parenting, in projects, in politics, and in workplaces. Think of the times you have locked into a position at one end of a spectrum - oblivious or willfully ignoring the shades of gray directly in front of you. Sometimes the consequences are relatively small- a fractured relationship or a flawed project deliverable requiring rework. Sometimes the consequences can be catastrophic - a trade war, an armed conflict or a business/project collapse.

 Tree Toad Consulting

The invaluable skill of emotional, mental and intellectual agility to manage fluidly through complexity and in ambiguous circumstances is foundational to success in our future. It is no longer what you know that sets us up for success but rather it is knowing how to find information, learn new things and manage the increasing complexity of our world.