“We don't need giant personalities to transform companies. We need leaders who build not their own egos but the institutions they run.” 
― Susan Cain, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking 

I am a strong introvert. The Toad is possibly even a stronger one. There are great joys and benefits of having introverted tendencies - just as there are from having the opposite extraverted ones. The world needs all kinds of kinds to function but sadly society at present doesn’t always see or value the gifts of the introvert in the same way. This happens in our schools, in our social organizations, and in our workplaces. In her book Quiet, Susan Cain highlights how our structures and environments have an underlying extroverted bent to them and that the subtleness of that favoritism has profound consequences for individuals and for our collective future.

Several months ago I had an interaction with the Toad that highlighted for me how early these biases start. The conversation started with his comment to me “Momma I am going to be one of the best NHL players of all time but I am probably never going to be chosen as Captain because I am quiet and don’t say very much.”  He is quiet – it is true. There is usually pandemonium in the change room. Toad is almost always the first dressed and he gets his game face on and he says almost nothing. I tried to explain to him that leadership isn’t always loud but is often seen in the actions of quiet leaders and the depth/importance of the few words they do use. I gave examples of people I admire who say very little but when they did say something you listen and those folks I admire who don’t have to say anything because you know what they stand for by the actions they chose and the decisions they make. I reminded the Toad that his beloved Toronto Maple Leafs was once captained by a quiet leader, Wendel Clark – a player who he knows is still highly revered by the organization and the hockey world.

Ironically it was not long after that I was passed over for a “captaincy” of a business team because I was seen to be too quiet and introverted. My skills, knowledge and previous experience were not sufficient to convince this decision-maker to give me a shot. In this case, I realized fairly quickly that it may be a case of thanking God for unanswered prayers but it did remind me I have to do two things. Firstly, I need to look for the quiet leaders around me to ensure they know they are seen and valued, and secondly to chat with the Toad about the importance of leadership regardless of where you sit.