I am a solo parent of a 9-year-old. I have a fulltime job plus a consulting business. I volunteer at our church and at my son’s school. I thrive on multitasking! I have an innate sense/ability to organize and manage time.

In the world today the optics of multitasking is a valuable currency – you are viewed as a more important and more competent the more you juggle. How many times have you been sitting with colleagues at coffee and the conversation has turned to how many balls you have in the air? Or how much work you got done while on the teleconference this morning? Or how you watched a movie last night while texting with your sister and knitting a scarf at the same time?

Research is now telling us that the “benefits” of multitasking are a fallacy. Scientific data is now indicating that our brains are wired to be serial processors – one task followed by another task. It also suggests that each time our concentration is pulled from the primary task it takes 23 minutes and 15 seconds to get refocused again. Long-term multitasking impacts the brain such that you are less able to discern noise and distraction from what you are supposed to be focused on. This inability to prioritize can also lead to focusing on the less important and even irrelevant at the expense of the more important.

There is also an evolutionary cost to our multitasking obsession. Research has shown that our attention span as a population has decreased from 12 seconds in 2000 to a mere 8 seconds now. I have been complaining to my friends that I cannot pay attention to a whole movie anymore and that I have the attention span of a gnat! Seems like that may be true and I have no one to blame but myself! I guess I owe Toad an apology since I have been blaming him for my lack of focus for years now!

All kidding aside, I am more aware now of the example I want to set for Toad and for the subtle message I am sending to the people I work with when I multi-task and hold that “accomplishment” as a badge of honour. What does honour people, is to be fully engaged with them and to give your energy to what they need and what is important to them.  

I had a difficult conversation with someone recently. I knew this conversation was an important one and as a strong introvert, I did all of the preparation to ensure I was as comfortable as I could be. I analyzed the situation from both perspectives, I looked at the merits of having orTree Toad Consulting not having the conversation, I looked at a variety of approaches to opening the dialogue, I got some coaching for the situation and I examined the heightened emotions I was having. I also prepared myself to be ok if the conversation did not go well - in this case, my biggest worry was that my voice would not be heard.

The good news is that all my preparation allowed me to initiate the conversation and stay grounded in the key messages I wanted to share. The bad news is that the response and the information that was shared with me was not anything that I had anticipated nor prepared for and it landed on me very badly. Thankfully my preparation helped me to maintain my professionalism and exit the situation gracefully. But now what?

Now I will take this new information and do what I do best – I will analyze it, synthesize it with other data, reflect inwardly and decide what actions (if any) are required going forward.  Although I did not like the information shared with me, nor the manner in which it was conveyed it is still valuable to me.

I used to be a sleeper. Now I have a child, a stressful job, some aches and pains of age, wonky hormones and a shrinking bladder. I generally go to sleep but I just don’t stay asleep. A few times each week I am awake sometime between 1:00-4:00 am. After this became a consistent pattern I decided to stop fighting it and being angry or frustrated and use the time productively.

My top 5 uses of time in the middle of the night include:

Brain Dump – I have a paper and pen beside my bed (sometimes I use my phone). I write down everything that is on my mind. Sometimes it is a To Do list. Sometimes it is an idea how to tackle a task. Sometimes it is the questions I am looking to get answers for. Sometimes it is the worry list.

To Do List/Plans – I live by my To Do list. My lists come in many forms – scrap papers, email items, electronic tasks, and calendar items. The middle of the night is when I worry I have forgotten or will forget something. Once I have captured it I can relax and go back to sleep.

Meditate – You might challenge me that meditating is not a productive use of time but I beg to disagree. Research suggests that meditative practice has both personal and professional benefits including improving concentration, increasing acceptance and happiness, reducing stress and improving cardiovascular and immune health.

Stretching – I am not talking about a power yoga session at 2:36 a.m. I am talking about a focused, slow, purposeful stretch of every body part starting at your head and going to your toes as you lie in bed. These stretches are similar to a meditative practice with the addition of muscle engagement to help release tension and relax.

Learning – If my mind is particularly engaged I will take the opportunity in the quiet hours in the middle of the night to listen to a podcast about marketing ideas or to read a business-related book. As a new business owner, I find there are so many aspects of running a business that I need to expose myself too – marketing, communication, taxes, legal, finance and more. As a consultant for general operations and project management for a diverse array of small/medium sized business, I also need to be current on different industry trends and business needs.  Sometimes I find I have to revisit some of the topics I touch upon in the middle of the night but that usually at least some of it has stuck and I can deepen my understanding with another or more detailed pass at the material.

I always head to bed hoping for a restful and restorative night but when that doesn’t happen I gratefully accept the quiet hours as a gift. I know the next night will likely be more peaceful.

The other day Toad – who is nine – expressed genuine angst to me that he had not yet identified his life purpose. He was very unsatisfied with my response indicating that he was only nine and didn’t need to know his life purpose yet or that lots of grownups (including me) cannot always articulate their life purpose. This led us into a deep conversation about choices, natural gifts and expanding the tools in your toolkit.

Toad and I share the natural gifts of being planners, problem solvers, and thinkers. Since he was wee, one of our family sayings has been “Don’t panic – think it through!” Our conversation about building additional tools to be used with our gifts used the example of trying to fix a broken mailbox with a hammer when you need a screwdriver. We also talked about the risk of not investing in new tools – risks to yourself and to the relationships in your life.

These were really big conversations and especially challenging when one of the participants has a much more limited worldview and experience set to draw upon. Wait what? A difficult conversation with 2 people who have different knowledge, experience, and positional power…….. Sound at all familiar? These types of conversations happen all the time in business and in projects. When they happen do you think of them as opportunities to grow and shape both people and the relationship? If you thought about these conversations differently would the conversations you have be different?

Please leave me a comment to let me know what your most valuable tool is in your toolkit. You can also reach Tree Toad Consulting at www.treetoadconsulting.com

I will celebrate my 50^th birthday very soon. There are a few mixed emotions with the approach of this milestone, but for the most part, I am feeling happy, content and grateful. At a summer gathering of high school friends, there were a startling number of our buddies who have already passed. A glaring reminder not to take your days for granted.

In thinking about my 50 years on this planet I pondered what (if anything) those years have taught me. Here are my 5 life lessons from 5 decades of life:

Decade 1 – Your village will shape you and will be with you always.

Decade 2 – Life isn’t a fairy tale but love keeps giving and will last.

Decade 3 – Loss is a part of life and riding through the grief will bring you to a new place with a new perspective.

Decade 4 – The greatest blessings are sometimes unexpected.

Decade 5 – Resilience is a necessary life skill and the ability to problem-solve a gift.

Of course, hindsight is often better than 20/20 and the events contributing to my life’s lessons came with great joy and great pain/sorrow. I would like less of the sorrow and more of the joy going forward but of course, that isn’t how life works.

A couple of years ago I was struggling through a bumpy patch at work and made an off-handed comment about how soon I could retire. I downloaded a countdown app for my phone and punched in a date when I thought I might retire. The 4 digit number that popped up seemed so far in the future that it provided no comfort to my escapist dream. I then decided I would focus on the days I could enjoy the freedom of retirement. A similar 4 digit number popped up but that number seemed shockingly small! Those two different perspectives of almost the same amount of time shook me up.

The new number on my countdown app is my 100^th birthday – about 18,250 days from now. My focus now is to remember that time moves both fast and slow simultaneously and that each of these days are precious not only because they cannot be recovered but also because they will collectively (with the 18,250 already passed) represent my life story and my legacy.

I trust my life lessons from my first 5 decades will serve me well for the next 5!

Look for more Tree Toad Talks at www.treetoadconsulting.com

I will be honest. I don’t do my best thinking in the shower. Generally, my thinking in the shower is mundane and consists of meal planning and logistics (deadlines, who needs to get picked up when, and what is clean that I can wear). 

I believe my best thinking happens in the car, during my walks and in the middle of the night.  It is in those alone moments that my creativity kicks in and I can look at multiple ways to come at an issue or sort complex projects into more manageable ordered tasks.  I always have a pencil and paper in my car and by my bed but I also capture my thoughts by calling my voicemail or asking Siri to record my ideas.

Tree Toad is a relatively new subject occupying my brain. I have been reading and listening to podcasts and subscribing to newsletters or blogs to learn about consulting practices, online marketing, social media branding, entrepreneurial skills, start-up launches and more. It is simply overwhelming the amount of information that is available – never mind sorting the solid advice from the flaky.

The focus of my thinking this week has been how to market Tree Toad to gain exposure to those small and medium-sized businesses that I can support with operational, management and project expertise. I have a website (www.treetoadconsulting) with a monthly blog called Tree Toad Talks, weekly Thinking Toad posts on Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/TreeToadConsulting/) and LinkedIn (https://www.linkedin.com/in/lila-mae-white-mba-che-30266a49/), a Google page and more. (Feel free to like and share.) What I have been thinking is that I am missing the personal connections - asking someone to join you in your business is very personal and it is unlikely a stranger will receive that invitation.

Do you know anyone with a business? Please pass on my information to them. Do you market B2B? Any tips for a newbie? Do you have any other ideas for how I can reach out to potential customers? I am always interested in how others come up with ideas that don’t look like mine!

I am a natural “finisher”. I find any type of work in progress that does not have an action plan with a timeframe a stressor. I recognize that some people do not get the same satisfaction in crossing something off the to-do list or sending the final report on a project. As a natural finisher, I also have an innate sense of how work needs to be structured, sequenced and timed to ensure timely delivery. I operate this way without even being aware of it and it occurs as naturally as breathing for me.

I have found there is great synergy when I partner with someone whose strength is more at the front end of the spectrum – the visionary or the starter. I thrive with being given an idea, a sketch of an end state and creating the path(s) to get us there.

If you are the visionary who needs a partner to bring your idea to life or a business professional who wants to see a project brought to a successful conclusion I encourage you to give me a call. I would be happy to brainstorm ideas with you and look for opportunities to partner.

Learn more about Tree Toad Consulting at www.TreeToadConsulting.com

Epiphanies come at funny times and in funny places. I believe that messages that you need to hear and understand come in many forms across time until they are integrated into us and the lesson is learned. Knowing this I still never expected to be hit with an epiphany while watching the large draft horse wagon pull at the IPE.

For those not familiar with the IPE it is a large agricultural fair that is held annually over the September long weekend in a small village close to us. The Toad and I love going and this year got to take in the sights and sounds with our international student which made the day even more fun. Toad and I enjoy watching the horse competitions – particularly the wagon pull with the large draft horses like the powerful and graceful Clydesdales. A team of two horses pull a wagon and the driver must manoeuvre through a course of small gates. The course is timed but points are lost if any of the gates are knocked over.

We were watching a young woman put her team through the paces and as she came through a particularly tough gate she glanced behind her to see if she had cleared the obstacle. Over the loud speaker came the words “You can’t change what is behind you!” as the announcer encouraged her into the next set of gates. As I watched this woman guide 4,000+ lbs through a narrow space it was clear that once she set her trajectory using all of her skill, knowledge, and training there was no point in looking behind as the wheels came through the pylons – she could do nothing to change the outcome and she needed to look forward to the next challenge.

Those words coming from a booming loud speaker matched with the visual in front of me could not be ignored. It was a message for me and it was unmistakeable. Of course I still believe there is a time and place to look back to gain perspective and harvest lessons learned but I now see clearly there is also a time to face forward and trust that the choices you have made and the course you are travelling is what you are meant to do.

Learn more about Tree Toad Consulting at www.TreeToadConsulting.com

This quote struck a chord with me both as a Mom and a Project Manager……. It seems to apply equally to both roles in my life! I would also add that both roles require you to learn about topics you had no idea would be needed in your life. This includes everything from ungulate thoracic bones to the width and shape options for bariatric toilets!

Today is a milestone of a setback. This setback brought me great pain and suffering but also brought me the greatest joy and has helped make me the person I am today. After many years, I can look back and name the “victories” that this setback eventually brought to me – greater independence, inner strength and courage, deeper relationships with friends and family, a stronger connection to my values and my faith, and the blessing of the most important person in my life.

As I think about the thread of my life I often wonder what might have been different with a change of direction at past key junctures or decision points. What if I had married my high school sweetheart? What if I had taken a different career path? What if I had relocated to a different place (or not left “home” at all)? What different people would have touched my life thread, what different experience would I have had and what would I have learned?

Would have – could have – should have……. I recognize all my blessings and will raise a toast tonight for my life milestones and all they have given me.