When life gets busy my natural tendency is to go into “get ‘er done” mode. I am all about the lists and multitasking with the goal to most efficiently mark items as complete. Tick! Done!

When I am self-aware enough to step out of the auto-pilot task master cycle I know in my heart that how you do something is every bit as important as what you do. For me, this is evident in the daily routines with the Toad. There are lots of different ways to get dinner prepared, piano practiced, lunches made and laundry folded before bedtime – some of them involve laughing and working together and snuggling and talking about important things and others – the more task-focused  way – involve barking instructions, repeatedly announcing the time, yelling and voicing my frustration.

The three wicked questions below not only check yourself and your auto-pilot tendencies but also forces you to think through and be accountable to both the what and the how of your actions and interactions.

Try this out this week at work – and at home!

1. When you arrive at work are you lost in thought about your day or so hurried to get to your desk you can't actually remember what you said or how you interacted with the people you met on the way?
2. Is your primary focus moving the piles of tasks across your desk or on gauging whether or not the communication among your staff and between you and your staff is positive?
3. Where have you set the bar? Clue: look at how your staff behaves, that's where you set the bar.

I am not a fan of working at a desk. In a typical work week, I can honestly say that I probably spend less than 2 hours behind a desk or table. I work standing at the kitchen counter, sitting on the couch, in the car, on the back deck and even in the middle of the lake on my paddleboard.

I love the flexibility to work around my own biorhythms and family needs. It means that I don’t stress about a night of insomnia because I can use that time productively. It means that I can get the Toad to an afternoon hockey practice because I can work in the car or at the arena. It means I can paddle at dawn and still make the early morning teleconference or respond to the urgent email to avoid a crisis.

Do I work 7 days/week? Yes, sometimes. Do I have trouble setting work/life boundaries? Yes, but I don’t think any more than anyone else does. In fact, I think I am less stressed in both realms because I know I can ebb and flow with what is needed and that is totally in my control!

Yes, that is a line from a country song….. the song  “Don’t Let  the Old Man In” which is featured in the movie “The Mule.” I heard the song from the other room when this line hit me. How would I answer that question?

On the days I have been out in the back playing road hockey for hours or in the snow playing tackle football with the boys my body might tell you I am 105! On the days I am totally engaged in a project and jamming through some great work I feel more like 30!

I am pretty comfortable with the age I am  - comfortable enough that I can say I might want to stop acting my age more often! That might raise some eyebrows but man is it going to be a ton of fun!

No, this was not the Toad on our recent travel adventure to Ontario. The Toad is and always has been an easy traveler who enjoys the journey as much as the destination.

The repeated impatient mantra was my brain as we flew across the country on a family adventure. Why? Simple – I was forced into a no technology zone for 3+ hours! Both boys locked into movies on the tablet and my phone so I was left completely on my own and in my own brain! DANGER! DANGER!

On a normal day, with the chaos of work and life I will think, “I wish I had 5 quiet minutes to collect my thoughts or think through an issue or plan in detail”. Here I was with lots of minutes of virtually uninterrupted time – except for the doling out of snacks and my brain was not able to clearly focus on anything. I mean I had the attention span of a gnat!

I think this is a sign that I need to start weaning myself from the crutch of technology and try to challenge myself to be more comfortable and more creative with some empty white space of time.

I attended a celebration of life this past week honouring a woman who I have known for twenty years and who was only slightly older than I am. The stories that were shared clearly carried the message that she lived fully, with joy and with love. She had been diagnosed with cancer twice before and had beaten some staggering odds. She knew what was important and how precious life was.

There were many difficult moments through the service but none more than seeing her boys, now young men just starting their journey as adults, bravely stand on stage to speak of and honour their mother. It was heartbreaking to think of how many important moments she would miss in their lives.

When I drove home there were two boys waiting in the driveway, hockey net out and sticks in hand. “We want you to come and play with us!” Those words brought me to tears as I thought about how very lucky I am to have these boys – almost young men – who still want to share their time with me, who still want my company and who still want to play with me (even when my skill and strength is no match for them). How blessed am I to have a body that still has the strength and stamina to be able to chase the ball, lift their stick or make a save in net. 

We played for over 2 hours in the sun and fresh air. Later, I quietly thanked each boy for such an awesome afternoon. My gratitude and emotion were lost on them but the preciousness of those moments was not lost on me.

There aren’t many aspects of my career that have been purposeful. I started my career more than 30 years ago (gasp!) thinking I would be the Cruise Director on the Love Boat (or any cruise ship). Anyone who knows me knows I am not that much fun nor am I that social! My recreation therapy education highlighted the joy I had working with the elderly. This led me to a career in the health field.

 My career in health has been a winding journey through many organizations, locations, and roles. I have worked in both clinical and corporate settings, in for profit and not for profit environments, and in front-line and senior management. I have been fortunate to have been part of many rewarding pieces of work and projects.

For every career opportunity, I have stepped into I have embraced new learning. I love to learn!

I have been handed an idea/concept and asked to deliver a completed product. I love a challenge!

I have been parachuted into crisis situations and asked to fix it. I love making a difference!

I have been able to work in a boardroom, a construction site, an operating theatre, and a warehouse because I am a generalist. Every situation adds to my toolbox and my tools can add to every situation I am lucky enough to be part of.

The host of PM Podcast, Cornelius Fichtner recently asked an array of his guests what key business skills project managers needed to be successful at strategic projects. Most of the guests listed the expected skills – communication, flexibility or customer focussed. Laszlo Retfalvi’s response, however, caught my attention.

Retfalvi’s

Project management expertise outlined a framework of skills that if developed and continually improved upon would differentiate you from other project management professionals. His leadership model consists of the following skill sets:

• Core leadership skills
• Smart risk attitude
• Accountability based behaviours

I think a professional development plan covering these 4 facets would definitely carry you forward successfully in your career.

I was asked last week why my weekly ramblings – I mean blog is more about events and personal learning than about the work of Tree Toad Consulting. For me the answer was easy:

1. Tree Toad is the organization in which I do my work but what I bring to my work with clients is me – all of me.
2. There are a gazillion consultants with MBA’s and any number of other letters behind their name. My education, knowledge, skills, and experience are unique to me as are my values and personality and style. I think anyone looking for someone to help with their business needs to make a fully informed decision about the consultant they are considering.
3. I do not love marketing. I do know enough about it to understand that I need a brand and a way to set myself apart from the gazillion of other consultants I mentioned above. I think by sharing my personal and professional life openly and transparently I can stand out from the crowd.

In the vein of transparency and authenticity, I wanted to share my personal mission statement. (The portion of the statement that is related to my professional life has been posted on the Tree Toad website since its’ inception – wwww.treetoadconsulting.com) but in a recent blog, I indicated that I had developed a personal mission statement several years ago so thought I would share it here.

LM Mission Statement

As a Mother, I am on a journey of discovery and adventure together with my son. My goal is to raise Toad to be a man who is resilient, compassionate, self-aware and confident with a conviction of faith and the ability to see many truths.

As a Friend, I am on a journey through life together with the people I care about. My goal is to be a source of enduring support and encouragement to the people I love. I want to live my life with the grace and acceptance of Gran, living into her legacy of roots and connectedness.

As a Leader, I am on a journey creating the future with my colleagues. My goal is to make a difference to clients, staff and the system through the work that I do (what) and the way I bring myself to that work (how). I want to be a leader who is mindful of complexity, who honours past accomplishments and facilitates change happening in a generative and integrated way.

This mission statement has stood the test of time over many years. It is on the wall in my bedroom and it is what I go to when I am struggling with a decision or to feel grounded amidst change.

You would think by now that I would know and accept how many lessons the Toad is destined to teach me but somehow it is only in the quiet moments reflecting back on our interactions and conversations that I am struck by the wisdom he shares with me. In honour of Valentine’s Day, I want to share five recent lessons about love that the Toad has taught me.

1.       Love carries across long distances

Most of our family and many of our friends live far away from us. We stay connected using technology such as Facebook and FaceTime and Skype and What’s App etc. but despite many months (or longer) between actual physical visits the Toad‘s intensity of love never ever waivers. When he talks about our family and friends who he only sees occasionally it is with such excitement and exuberance you would never know they are not part of his daily life

2.       Love carries seamlessly across time

Toad’s class has been doing a project about family and when your family immigrated to Canada. On my side of the family Toad is the 7^th generation Canadian. As Toad has learned the names of each generation before him, and where they came from he now speaks of them with love and pride. It may be because of his “old soul” nature but he has forged several very strong bonds with friends and family members that are in their 80’s and older. As active as he is, the Toad has connections with these elders in a very different way and really loves the feeling he has when in their company. It is like he knows how precious time is with them and how many gifts they have to give.

3.       Love grows when you give it away

I asked the Toad who he was going to give his heart to on Valentine’s Day. He responded without hesitation – he was giving it to his Grandma – his guardian angel who he lost when he was just 5. He then listed about a dozen other people he was also going to give his heart to. He stopped and said to me, “Momma, what if I don’t have enough pieces of my heart to give to everyone I want to?!” I asked him if he ever felt like he could not love someone new because he already loved too many others and he said, “No never Momma – love grows the more you give it away!”

4.       Love is a choice

With family so far away we have developed a “family of choice” around us. The Toad makes no distinction in how he loves our blood relatives from our family of choice because there is no need to. At the Yellow Castle the refrain “you love who you love” or “you love who your heart chooses” is heard often. This was also the Toad’s response when he was very young and one of his young friends as about a gay couple they saw on TV. Without hesitation and without a thought of judgment he responded: “you love who your heart chooses.”

5.       You don’t have to wait to love

My Toad loves quickly. I am not sure if it will always be that way but for his whole life, he has fallen in love with new friends, new pets, new stuffies, and new family in a heartbeat. When he loves someone he is almost unable to remember a time before he loved them. My goal is to love like that. I think the world needs to love like that.

Have you ever caught yourself in a conversation and thought, “wow I am really being negative”? Or have you heard yourself complaining and thought, “Whoa that was harsh”? Of course it is much easier to observe this in others but it is far more impactful when it is your own voice that startles you out of complacency. It is also a big opportunity that has the potential to have a huge impact with ripple effects far beyond you.

The challenge in these flashes of awareness is to activate the “assumption of positive intent”. This is the moment when you take a deep breath and remind yourself that the person who is annoying you or who you are complaining about did not get up this morning with the intent to tick you off, they didn’t plan over coffee to screw up, they didn’t get out of the shower smiling about all the havoc they could wreak in the world. No, like you they got up and dealt with all the things you have to in life – deadlines, kids, partners, garbage day, missing shoes, dogs throwing up on the carpet, a dead battery in the car, an ill parent, overdue bills and a thousand other things.

The person you are mad at, upset with and complaining about is just like you….. in fact there is a better than good chance this person is you when someone else thinks you are incompetent despite your best efforts, when you cannot deliver on another person’s request and now they think you screwed up on purpose or when something you have done accidentally really messes up someone else’s day.

By assuming the positive intent of another you extend an energy of kindness, compassion, and human connection. You would want some to assume the best of you wouldn’t you?