The Toad and I recently added a new member to our family – Hamelin the Syrian Short-Haired Hamster! When we got home with Hamelin and all his accessories – 2-story habitat, house, water bottle, bedding, food, chew sticks etc. we discovered that the bottom of the plastic cage was cracked all the way across. Worried about leaving Hamelin in a cardboard box for too long I raced back to the store to replace it. I left the Toad home on his own (for the first time ever) to take care of his pet.  

To paint the picture – I had just done 2 round trip into town in 90 minutes, I had left my boy home alone in the house, I had a rodent now living in my house and I hadn’t eaten lunch yet and now I had to assemble a hamster habitat with tubes and wheels and compartments! Cue the daunting music – Da! Da! Da! Cue the internal voice that tells me I am not good at reading instructions and assembling things.

It is not just an internal voice but a truism. I put Ikea furniture together backward the first time – every single time. Like most people, I have turned my weakness into a self-deprecating joke. But the humour does not silence the inner critic.

The Toad knows about my internal negative narrative. I shared it with him quite a while ago when I was trying to assemble a toy for him and was getting very cranky and snappy. With tears in my eyes, I admitted to my boy that I was very intimidated by assembly instructions and I was afraid I would fail him when he needed me to build something for him. I told him in moments like this there was pressure for me in performing and being both Mom and Dad. My boy with the wise old soul reassured me that if we worked on it together we could do anything.

As I sat with the hamster cage and instructions in front of me my sweet child put his hand on my shoulder and suggested we grab a quick lunch before tackling the assembly because “our brains will work better if they have food”.  It was a wise decision to pause and breathe and eat. We tackled the assembly with only a few frustrated growls and not a signal temper flare, a tear or a swear word!

I have not vanquished the narrative but it has less power over me now that someone else knows about it and helps me stand up to my internal bully.